


It's a soylent green after all...

by Keenir



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Disney World & Disneyland, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keenir/pseuds/Keenir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><strong>Prompt:</strong><br/>Loki decides to take Sif to Midgard for their first wedding anniversary. Together they go to Disney world, and get up to a great deal of trouble in the happiest place on Earth.</p>
    </blockquote>





	It's a soylent green after all...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> **Prompt:**  
>  Loki decides to take Sif to Midgard for their first wedding anniversary. Together they go to Disney world, and get up to a great deal of trouble in the happiest place on Earth.

"Yeah, Pepper, I'm picking them up now," Tony said as he rode in his limo to one of the private entrances to the Disney grounds, and two Asgardians got in and shut the car doors after them. "That's them. Promise. Yeah, I'll get to the bottom of it. No cave references? Aw, c'mon, Pepp', isn't that half the fun of our parallels? Fine. Love ya back and front," and hung up after she did.

...And found two Asgardians watching him from across the limo. "So, what happened?" Stark asked them. "And do I need to suit up to hear this?"

"His ears must be more sensitive than you implied," Sif said to Loki, who grinned.

"Look, I didn't have to come all the way out here to pick the two of you up - even though Thor said you'd have to walk if I didn't. Why not just magic yourself away?"

"You assume everyone can use magic," Sif answered him coldly.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asks Loki.

"Between us, none."

"Then what happened in Disney?"

To Sif, Loki said, "This would certainly not have happened if we had used -"

"You agreed to a-vik, Loki, as had I," Sif interupted.

"Avik?" Tony asked. "Jarvis?"

Jarvis said, "There is some phonetic similarity to the Old Norse word _a-viking_ , sir, a verb which is the source of the collective noun for the peoples we know as Vikings. The word refers to their act of expansion and -"

Tony flatly asked Sif and Loki, "The two of you thought it was a bright idea to go raiding and pillaging Disney?" To Sif specifically, "Did this guy not tell you what happened the last time he tried that in New York?"

"He did," Sif said. "You defeated the slave army and unslaved Loki." Stretching one arm, "Your languages are not ours, Stark. A-vik is the act of camouflage, of appearing as though we were of the Realm we visit."

Stark chuckled. "Well why didn't you say so? We'd be happy to hold on to your powers for you," he said, aiming that at Loki.

Loki gave Sif a look that clearly said 'see what I have to put up with?'

"We are not stripped of our powers or our abilities," Sif said, "but we act as one of the natives, as though we were one of them."

Stark said, "Okay, so then how did this happen, you two giant tourists you? Was it the same thing that happened on your honeymoon, because I still have no idea how you got banned for life _from Australia._ "

"It was an island - this recent instance, Stark," Loki said. "Its name spoke of learning, and it was rife with fauna."

"Discovery Island," Stark said. "Okay, thought you'd go to Epcot first, being space aliens, but okay. Continue."

* * *

They watched the noble steeds munch determinedly at the grass in the enclosure. Loki waved one hand at them, trying to get their attention - to no avail.

"A bit on the small side, but perhaps they have not finished growing," Sif said, looking at the steeds.

"No, lady, that's as big as they get," said a kid nearby who'd been expounding to his younger brothers all about these Alfheim-looking beasts. No matter how sedately Sif and Loki walked, the kid kept showing up; Sif wasn't sure if he was the most unsubtle assassin, or a child over-full of bravado and wanting to boast of all he knew.

"Are they for children?" Loki asked.

"No. They're endangered."

Loki and Sif blinked.

"Your word means what?" Loki asked, this being one of the few times he doubted the Allspeech was translating the mortal's words accurately.

The boy rolled his eyes. "It means there aren't that many of them left. Between them living for centuries, and not having kids often, it was easy to nearly wipe them out. And tortoises like these tasted good."

Loki stared at him, dumbfounded that the Allspeech had been right - and that the humans were madder than he'd thought.

"Joey!" a woman called, and came up and took the boy by one hand, her other kids holding on to her other hand and purse. "I'm sorry," she apologized to Sif and Loki, "he wanders off like this," and went away.

Sif sighed. "Their ancestors at least understood the basics of husbandry," she muttered.

Loki nodded. "The auks were delicious."

Sif slid up to right behind him, nuzzling his neck. "Speaking of..." and gave a gentle nibble.

Loki reached around behind and touched his fingers to one another, the flimsiest encirclement around Sif, and that was deliberate, that was more to run his knuckles along her back and wrists along her side... _even with the clothing intervening._

She hummed happily against his throat.

He used two fingers to pinch, getting almost nothing but fabric.

But enough was felt for Sif to reciprocate with her teeth upon his neck, her breath warm and tantalizing.

There were only two eyes permitted by Loki to see his Jotun self, and both those eyes belonged to Sif. Only she could run her fingers along his lines. Only he could warm his breast with hers. Only she did he trust, in the dark and in the light. That extended to play-bites in the course of other activities, of drinking the sweat from one another, sometimes with lips and sometimes with tongue, usually leading to further of those activities. Blood was sometimes drawn, a few bites being deeper or harder than the others.

Loki made a thrumming noise deep in his throat, appealing to Sif. "We should continue moving," he said.

"Am I objectionable, or are my deeds?"

"Never," he assured her. "But your friend Potts has informed me that there is a word for those who get carried away in public spaces, and it would not be befitting."

With a grumble - the breath of which nearly made Loki reconsider - Sif took a step back, and wrapped her arm around Loki's. "Let us go, then. See more of this island, and thence to the dinner arranged for us."

"Let us go," Loki agreed.

In less than five minutes, that plan was nearly wrecked by Sif coming to a swift halt in front of one of the enclosures. "My dear?" Loki asked; she didn't usually like human endearments, but he tried it anyway.

Looking fixedly at the creatures in the pen, Sif muttered a mash of vowels, then said "A servant race on Nidavellir, still new to intelligence." _Not usually that color, but that could be a Realm-related change._

Seeing them, "Shall we return them?" Loki asked. "Or liberate them?"

"Tempting," Sif said. "I blooded my blade against them and the dwarven armies they served, before my parents brought me to Asgard."

"You killed flamingoes?" a little girl asked Sif, standing a few meters away and about to step into the flamingo observation area, staring at her with a look of horror and betrayal.

"Not flamingoes," Sif said, suspecting, based on the looks the girl's parents were giving, it was best to move along now.

* * *

Tony Stark had a hand on his forehead, chuckling. "Trust me, flamingoes aren't intelligent."

"Newborn races tend to defer to the wishes of their elders," Loki said. "If they are instructed to sit quiet and not think, they do so."

"I'm positive there was an insult in there."

"You would regard it as one."

"Much as I'd love to devolve this into witty banter and snide quips," Stark said, "I want to know how you got kicked out of Disney even more."

"Following our jaunt through the _collection_ ," Sif said, the word weighted in ways it hadn't ever been on Earth, or hadn't been in a long time, "we went to a restaurant within the 'gard."

"Park," Tony corrected, afraid to ask how many of the things in Disney's zoo reminded them of their buddies in the spacelanes. "Forget it, is this where the two of you got thrown out?"

Still stinging, Loki replied "We abided by all your laws, Stark. Kept to a disinterested silence when two of those disfigured hounds approached our table and made sweeping gestures towards my wife, who was merciful enough to spare their lives, for _a-vik_ if nothing else."

 _Please tell me you didn't nearly kill Goofy,_ Tony hoped. "And when they left?"

"The servants brought out the first course...a finely-shredded meat," Sif said...

* * *

"Alligator tail, miss," one of the waiters said, and backed away.

Loki pinched a bit, and tasted it. Swirling it in his mouth, first by itself, then with some water, he tasted it like a wine. "Distinctive. I'm unfamiliar with it."

Sif followed his example, tasting it - and her eyes went wide, but only for a moment, as she clamped down on her reactions. She swallowed it as fast as she could.

"Sif?" Loki asked.

"Loki?" Sif asked, feigning confusion.

"You've tasted it before?"

"I..." and did not want to start this phase of her life with a lie. Even one as gangly as this one. _No life to the taste, no vitality, no warmth or chill._ "It is a strongly similar taste."

"It was on Rhia, wasn't it?" Loki surmised. "Had I gone with the three of you, I would have recognized the flavor, now."

"No, not Rhia," Sif said. "Our room."

Loki didn't close his mouth, but he was silenter than usual.

"Your blood and skin," she said. "Last night and elsewhen you..." and she saw he understood exactly what she meant.

Loki looked down at the alligator tail meat. Stared at it. Glared. The rules of _a-vik_ chafed against what he wished to do to these people and their stores of the flesh of those innocents. _And I don't even care much for Jotnar. By any name._ But the rules were always and ever enforced, so...

Sif stood and held out her hand to him.

He looked at it in confusion, puzzlement., and up her arm to her face full of kindness and cunning. "?"

"We've seen mortals lay seige before," Sif reminded him. "And we _are_ in guise as mortals."

"We do not wish to be remiss," Loki agreed, taking her hand and standing up.

Loki plucked a glass of wine from the hands of a woman at a neighboring table, and emptied it down his own throat, then handed it back to her. Then he returned for his chair, and stabbed the chair's back into the table he and Sif had been sitting at.

Not about to be outdone, Sif grabbed a waited, twirled him towards her, spun him away and let go so she could take his food cart to -

* * *

"Okay, okay," Tony said as the two Asgardians continued explaining how they made a mess of things, but not the reason for it all. "If you're not going to tell me, fine. Just sit there in the back of my car, and don't say anything until we get to my Tower. And no necking back there."

"Necking?" Loki asked. _Why would we strike one another with our necks? Granted it sounds like a game Sif would enjoy, or would once have enjoyed._

"Oh good, you've got no clue what it is. I ain't telling. Not that the two of you could have phased me anyway - I've seen it all done."

"Not everything," Loki said, seeing Sif's posture silently change at the challenge she was hearing; and he saw the question she held in her eyes. He nodded - he was game if she was.

"We shan't even disrobe," Sif assured Stark. "And we accept your challenge."

 _Which part of... Oh forget it._ "No," Tony said. As the couple continued onwards, "Nope." And, "Not even trying, are you?" Then, "No," and feigned a yawn. Followed by a "Holy snikes, that's just - my god."


End file.
